Ellesmere Port foster carer Carol shares her story on her retirement

Carol, 67, from Ellesmere Port is a recently retired foster carer for Cheshire West and Chester Council. Carol fostered for 18 years and retired due to ill health, she was approved to care for children aged 0-18 and provided all types of fostering to over 50 children!

What made you get into fostering?

Carol had always wanted to foster however her first husband was not in agreement. Carol divorced, met Ted and they had 5 children between them who had all left home. Ted asked Carol if there was something she had always wanted to do, Ted probably meant a holiday abroad so he nearly fell over when she mentioned fostering! “Ted sat quietly and then agreed to look into fostering.”

Carol thought as they had raised their own children, if they could help just one child they will have achieved something. Carol said “every foster carer you speak to will say they came into fostering wearing rose tinted glasses”. The first 5 years were a massive learning curve for Carol and Ted, “you realise how little you don’t know about life”.

Tell me about the children you’ve cared for, the types of fostering you’ve provided and your most memorable moments?

During her career as a foster carer Carol provided permanent, short term, emergency, parent and child and carer to carer short stays but settled on short term in the end. “I’ve had some lovely fabulous children”.

Ted was a smoker so the couple could not care for under 5’s however when he passed away Carol started caring for this age range. The first child aged under 5 Carol cared for arrived at her home at 3 days old, he left aged 1 year and 1 week old “it broke my heart when he went”. Carol took a break from caring for babies for 3 years after that. This child was adopted with his siblings and “the life they lead is fantastic”. The child is now 9 years old and Carol visits the family on a yearly basis to stay in touch.

Carol has cared for many children who have moved onto adoption including caring for a child with Down’s syndrome who “taught me a lot about patience”. Arriving into Carol’s care at the age of 3 and leaving a year and a half later this child had a “smile that could light up the darkest of days”. This child was adopted and is now 11 years old, Carol keeps in touch with her via photos and emails.

Carol remembers the time she was enjoying a meal in Liverpool when the Emergency Duty Team (EDT) called to ask if she would take in a 13 year old. When the child arrived Carol remembers her hiding behind her hair whilst standing on the driveway. She remained in Carol’s care for 5 years, during which time Carol provided a mother and child placement to the young person before she moved to independent living.

Carol recalls with laughter the time a stern word was needed to keep a sibling group from climbing on her table! The 6 year old was shocked when Carol and the social worker showed her the bedroom she would be staying in which contained a bed and new clothing. The child questioned “is that my bed, are all these things here mine?” The young child looked at the adults and told the social worker “you can go I’ll be fine here!” This child is now 19, at University and meets up with Carol regularly.

Carol talks with fondness of a 17 year old she took in on an emergency placement who was “very polite and sweet”. This young person is now at University and every Christmas she attends Carol’s home and calls her “mum”. Just before our conversation this young person had text Carol to say “I’m awful at keeping in touch but I love you very much”. When Carol became ill recently and was taken to hospital this young person drove from Manchester to visit her.

How did you find the support we provided?

“The support from Kay was phenomenal”. Carol feels very fortunate to have had Kay as her Supervising Social Worker for most of her fostering career. Kay has a “wealth of knowledge” and would always know the right thing to suggest when Carol’s “toolbox” had run out.

Carol unfortunately suffered several bereavements during her fostering career. During these times she recalls the support she received from Kay and senior managers Julie Preece (Fostering Team Manager) and Judith Griffith (Head of Service for Children in Care). There was “so much support” provided by the staff, they went “above and beyond and were amazing”. Carol has also worked with many Children’s Social Workers during her time as a foster carer and said “they have always been on the phone and brilliant”.

Carol also attended the monthly support group for foster carers in her area and from this has made friends for life. Carol was the baker of the group and would always take cakes along to the session where they could “offload in a confidential way”.

How did your own children find fostering, were they involved?

Carol’s children were adults when she started her fostering journey although her youngest child, Becky took an active role in supporting Carol as a foster carer. Becky was “good at engaging with the children, especially the teenagers and pointing out where I had gone wrong!”

Do you have any advice to those considering becoming foster carers?

Carol recommends “get in touch with your sense of humour” and if you’re going to do the job properly you need “empathy, patience, compassion and to be strong.”

Sometimes “days were filled with anger, tantrums and frustrations” with children “trying to make sense of their life and what’s happened. Some days are long and hard, other days are full of laughter.” Carol advises to “take each day as it comes.”

Carol says when a child came through her door with their story, it never failed to shock her. The children who have suffered traumatic childhood experiences “need to know it’s not the norm and it’s not right”. Carol’s throughout her fostering career has been “if a child is in trouble I can’t say no”.

Carol and Ted always had a ritual that whatever had happened during the day they would end the day on a positive note.

How are you celebrating your retirement?

Carol is looking forward to celebrating her retirement from fostering with fellow foster carers and staff in a week’s time with cake and coffee, then she is off on a long-awaited holiday to the Dominican Republic.

If you could summarise your experience as a foster carer what would you say?

“Good days and bad days I loved the job from beginning to end. It’s a job that can be done at home, will break your heart but will give you so much satisfaction and rewards which far out way the bad days. If you’re lucky enough to get through it all, to make a difference to one child you will have achieved something.”

If you are interested in becoming a foster carer, you can request an Information Pack by clicking here >>

Alternatively, why not pop along to one of our Information Sessions? We have in-person Information Sessions and virtual Information Sessions.